Upshot Espresso / Hat Meetings

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Back Buzz - January 10, 2014

Upshot Espresso, 355 Glossop Road, Broomhall, Sheffield, South Yorkshire

Early on a lightly rainy Thursday morning during a very hectic first week back to work after hectic holidays, I decided to step away from my complicated sentence clauses and venture out for a coffee experience. I took the time to walk down past the Royal Hallamshire Hospital to check out a new coffee house that has sprung up on the site of the former Eight Ounce Espresso. The decor inside Upshot Espresso has simplified, and there are no shelves except for condiments and retail coffee cups.

Although the young barista was very serious and knowledgeable, I was surprised when I asked for a double dry cappuccino and he said they didn't make anything "dry". It's finally reached a point in Sheffield where I can order a dry cappuccino and baristas at the more savvy places fully comprehend, so I was confident he knew what I was talking about, but he explained it wasn't their style. He did explain that the cappuccino would be served in a 5-ounce cup, so it wouldn't be overpowered with milk. My choice was either this for £2.50 or a 4-ounce double macchiato for only a bit less, so as long as I was splashing out anyway I decided to chance the potentially wet cappuccino.

My cappuccino was beautifully served, with a classic leaf rosetta in an orange cup and orange saucer that matched my orange t-shirt. Was the barista intentionally colour-coordinating my drink? The coffee, which he explained was an Australian blend, was extremely smooth, a bit too smooth for my taste, and the cappuccino seemed like a flat-white version with no hint of a cloud of foam. Is this the trend that flat whites have forced into the minds of Britain's young coffee bohos? I'm sorry, but give me a proper Italian coffee. Voglio assaggiare il mio caffè!

The front room is furnished with wooden tables on a wood floor, and the sofa on which I sat when I visited the previous incarnation is still in the same spot. Unaccompanied students were sitting around studying, while two older women with notebooks -- possibly mature students or academics -- chatted quietly. The background music was a mixture of styles, although a good three-fourths of my cappuccino was soundtracked by trance, adding to the monotone of the coffee.

To Upshot's credit the coffee is well treated and respected, and the barista said he would change my cappuccino to a macchiato if it was too milky for me. The cafe sells beans as well, although the gourmet prices are a bit beyond me, and the bread products and food choices look really nice. Since they sell a variety of coffee, I would hope that on another visit they would be using a different roast that would be more stimulating to my palate and brain. But I would really like to see a tiny bit of cloud in my coffee, especially on this cloud-covered day.

Speaking of cloudy days and hence the need for hats reminds me of a Facebook conversation from last year with a friend about a potential meeting for our four-member Hat Pack:

All right, I've drafted a plan to organise the committee to organise the subcommittee to organise the committee to organise the board that will vet new members for the Hat Pack. No committee members yet but it's a start. So what are we ordering for lunch? Hold on. We haven't elected a committee to decide who drafts the plan to organise the committee to organise the subcommittee etc!! Okay, I'll get on drafting an outline for the first draft of the preliminary draft of the initial outline for the agenda to elect the committee to draft the plan to organise the committee to organise the subcommittee to organise the committee to organise the board. Shall we just order sandwiches then? No, wait! you need the agreement of the drafting committee before you start drafting any outlines etc. We need to organise a meeting to elect a drafting committee. You can bring the sandwiches if the committee agrees. Okay, shall we arrange a meeting to elect a committee to organise the meeting to elect the drafting committee? Shall I throw in some sausage rolls? We will need to arrange a meeting to vote on the possibility of having sausage rolls at the meeting to elect a committee to organise etc. All right. Should I have my PA's assistant's PA contact your PA's assistant's PA so that they can schedule a meeting to vote on the possibility of sausage rolls? Should we introduce the possibility of a few of those little quiches as well? On second thought, after my PA's assistant's PA contacts your PA's assistant's PA and the meeting is scheduled to vote on the possibility of sausage rolls at the meeting to elect a committee to organise the meeting to elect the drafting committee to draft the outline for the first draft of the preliminary draft of the initial outline for the agenda to elect the committee to draft the plan to organise the committee to organise the subcommittee to organise the committee to organise the board, maybe it would be easier if we just send out for pizzas. Forget the pizzas and quiches for now. Let's just concentrate on organising a committee to vote on the sausage rolls first. I think we need to cut through all this red tape so I am organising a meeting to see who will bring the scissors. Maybe all these PAs can get together and warm the sausage rolls? I've got some magenta tape, so perhaps that fact can be put forward at the scissors meeting. I don't think my PAs have any qualifications in sausage roll warming, so I may have to contact A For Appointments and see if we can hire some sausage roll warming specialists for the day. But we can touch base about that later. We shouldn't let the grass grow on this, so I think we need to action the whole ball of sausage rolls and run them up the flagpole ASAP. Okay. Maybe the PAs could cut the grass (subject to committee approval) whilst we (the board once elected) could run the sausage rolls up the flagpole tied up with a nice bow using your magenta ribbon (again subject to the approval of the sausage roll sub-committee). I'm afraid funds will not run to hiring any warmer uppers so I suggest we run them up cold or set fire to the ribbon. I've just had an idea shower. Why don't we cut out the middleman and set fire to the PAs? And then we could tie the hats together with magenta ribbon and run them up the flagpole. This will feed through the profits and cascade down so we could meet on the grass and eat the sausage rolls. Okay, I'll leave you to organise a committee to approve your suggestions. In the meantime I will contact a milliner friend to sew the hats together professionally (subject to committee approval). She will be happy to waive her fee until the cascade has finished. Will you save her a sausage roll? I'm glad we're moving forward on this. I'll shift the paradigm and action the sausage roll deliverables ASAP. Be careful shifting your paradigm. I finished up with 2 slipped discs shifting mine. Why not wait until we elect a committee and we can shift it together? I hope the sausage rolls are not in the paradigm. Have you recovered yet from your slipped paradigm? A chiropractor might be in order. Or else I know a good nuclear physicist. She doesn't charge very much, either. In fact, you get a discount if you bring a few sausage rolls to the surgery. My nuclei are fine so I don't need a physicist but thanks anyway. The choirpractor could maybe improve my singing and help me record some new discs. Does he/she like sausage rolls? Maybe we could do a deal!!