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THE MARMITE PAPERS:

On the Development of the Marmite Theory of Migratory Evolution

By JC Mitchell, Doctor of Marmitology

Origin of Theory Further Correspondence Method of Introduction Links
METHOD OF INTRODUCTION

1. The Drewline Method

For the Marmite novice, the following is the recommended Method of Introduction according to Drewline, a Brit who has lived in various places on this earth for well over half a century:
  1. Buy the softest type of brown bread, either crusty or not.
  2. Cut 4 slices from loaf 3/4 inch thick (approximately 20mm).
  3. Heat grill to hot (or toaster oven to broil).
  4. When seriously hot, toast bread slices on one side until beyond golden brown, i.e. "bronzy brown".
  5. Turn slices over and toast until you can merely feel the bread evenly crisping but not yet colouring.
  6. Remove toast from grill or toaster oven. Apply a couple of liberal thin slabs of butter onto toast and rub over barely ??? until it starts to roughen up.
  7. Wham the toast straight back under the grill.
  8. Having previously warmed a big dessertspoon, take a spoonsized scoop of Marmite and scrape into the roughening toast.
  9. Eat immediately with a good strong coffee and a glass of orange juice. Serves 2.

2. The Traditional Method

For traditional Anglophiles who are addicted to BBC America, here is an alternate method:

  1. Setting is very important. The snack must be enjoyed on an English lawn with river frontage and a large house in the background.
  2. Instead of the strong coffee, serve rather good tea in the finest china.
  3. Butter slices of white bread.
  4. Make sandwiches out of Marmite and the thinnest slices of cucumber.
  5. Cut the sandwiches into triangles and serve.

2. The Pacific Breakfast Method

And finally, here is a Post Modern Method, developed by an adventurous female expat who was spawned in the waters off the Pacific Coast of America:

  1. Toast (in a grill, toaster, or toaster oven) a breakfast portion of the bread of your choice. Some suggestions are good whole grain bread, crumpets, pikelets, potato bread or cakes, Yorkshire oat cakes, Irish soda bread, a bagel, pumpernickel bread, Trader Joe's handmade corn tortillas, homemade cornbread.
  2. Butter the toast. (In the case of a cinnamon and raisin bagel, an alternative is a thin spreading of cream cheese.)
  3. Spread a very small amount of Marmite on the toast.
  4. Then spread a bit of peanut butter, nut butter (cashew, almond, hazelnut), or tahini on top of the Marmite layer.
  5. Serve with a selection of fresh and dried fruit, fruit juice, and a strong cappuccino.
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