CoffeeBeer >> Warts & All >> Decline of the Dinosaurs
|Dinosaurs were sensitive to sun. In prehistoric times there were no sunscreens with factors greater than 2. Tyrannosauri Rex were especially susceptible to heat stroke.||Dinosaurs were fast drivers. They especially liked convertibles with no roll bars. Seat belts had not yet been invented. Allosaurus was the only dinosaur who signalled when changing lanes.|
Dinosaurs had a weakness for jelly donuts and Sprite. Many would eat nothing else. Triceratopses would usually die at early ages due to blood sugar imbalances.
|The breakdancing craze of the Cretaceous period caused many Stegosauri to fracture and dislocate their boney plates, leaving them vulnerable to predators and infectious bacteria.|
With the advent of cable television in the Upper Cretaceous period, many dinosaurs became "couch tubers". The combination of salty snacks and the sedentary lifestyle was the kiss of death to hypertensive Brachiosaurus.
|After the stock market crash of 140,000,000 BC, despair drove many dinosaurs to the bottle. Cirrhosis of the liver and suicide took their toll.||When 4-inch heels became popular in the Jurassic period, many dinosaurs suffered unimaginable foot discomfort in an effort to be fashionable. Many Iguanodons could not make it across the desert plains and perished.|
© 1986 JC Mitchell
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