Curbside Cafe / Sticky-Coaster Physics

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Back Buzz - September 17, 2010

Curbside Cafe, 307 Main Street, Vista, California

Last month I travelled to America to visit my two hometowns of Long Beach, California and Seattle, Washington. While in Long Beach my friend Mistah Rick drove down from the Bay Area and joined me for a 3-day brewery tour of the north San Diego coast. As this is a coffee column, you'll have to switch over to Pint Pleasures to read more about the brewery tour. But as Rick and I are both living, breathing human beings who cannot live on beer alone, we naturally had to find decent coffee to start each day.

We stayed in centrally located Vista, seven miles from the ocean. I had been to the city of Vista when I was in my teens, back when finding a decent cup of coffee made with fresh-ground quality beans was the challenge. Now that's it's the 21st century the city of Vista, like most other Western cities, is crawling with espresso cafes and drive-throughs including the obligatory handful of Starbucks.

This is why we were so lucky to fall upon the Curbside Cafe. Located smack dab in the centre of Vista, on a street that seems more like the main drag through a shopping mall, the Curbside is a brightly coloured and attractive breakfast and lunch cafe with inviting sidewalk tables out front. Even the Curbside Cafe t-shirts advertised on the wall inside are in appealingly bright colours.

The cafe is owned by John Randall, a chef originally from upstate New York who has worked in the restaurant business for over 30 years. He has owned the Curbside for eight years and locally sources his ingredients. He offers speciality coffees, and his homemade cinnamon rolls are well known in the area.

As it was a pleasantly sunny morning we sat outside in front. I ordered what appears on the menu as a double "macciato", figuring it would probably be identical to a double macchiato, and Rick had a normal cup of coffee. My drink was much larger than any double macchiatos I've had and served in a regular coffee cup, but the coffee itself was quite good. Rick's coffee was served in a Curbside mug covered with advertisements of local Vista businesses. What an interesting idea: the cafe profits from each use of a mug. So would throwing a mug across the pavement and breaking it increase the cafe's profits rather than decrease them?

The Curbside Cafe was very popular on this Sunday morning, with many of the customers accompanied by their small dogs. As this is America with its huge portions we decided to split a Greek omelette with sun-dried tomatoes, feta, spinach, and olives, and we opted for the lovely fruit bowl featuring a wide range of fresh seasonal fruit. As we were dining a Yorkshire Terrier suddenly started to yip loudly at a Chihuahua, and we wondered if we were about to experience a Tiny Dog Riot. As there is a former cinema directly next door, this suggested a possible horror film: Attack of the Lapdogs!

Because we were staying another day in Vista and we enjoyed our breakfast so much, we came back the next morning for a reprise. This time we split the Smoked Salmon Benedict, which was very nice, and another big bowl of fresh fruit. I had another double "macciato", and this time Rick had a cappuccino. And with his first sip he emitted a satisfied gasp. Unfortunately, as this was a much quieter Monday morning, there were no crowds or tiny dogs to hear him.

Speaking of writing films scripts reminds me of a recent e-mail conversation with the same friend:

Yesterday morning, as I was starting to eat my breakfast in the living room, I experienced a common mishap which gave me an idea. Unfortunately I don't have the right academic qualifications to write such a paper, as I'm not a scientist and I don't think my computer experience would give me a solid enough knowledge base.

What I would like to write is a study for the Journal of Irreproducible Results about the variables that determine how much of a drink is spilled because of the cork-based drink coaster sticking to the glass. Basically I've outlined the variable spill factors as follows:

A. The initial weight of the coaster (c1), the relative initial wetness/dryness of the coaster (cwd) combined with the relative initial wetness/dryness of the glass of liquid (gwd) determines the amount of suction produced once the glass is lifted, resulting in the suction strength of the coaster (cs).

B. The reaction of the glass-lifting hand (hr1) that had expected less weight sends signals to the lifting agent's brain and nervous system to readjust the hand's lift propulsion and velocity accordingly (hr2).

C. The resultant vibration caused by the readjustment which breaks the seal between the coaster and the glass (rv), depending on the relative weight of the coaster (c2) and the amount of hand lift propulsion and velocity readjustment (hr2).

D. The acoustic properties of the tabletop or floor directly underneath (ta) when struck by a cork-based coaster, ranging from a value of 0 for shag carpeting to 10 for a glass tabletop.

E. The secondary vibratory misalignment of the lifting hand caused by a combination of the decrease of the weight of the glass (gw) less the relative weight of the coaster (c2) less the weight of the currently displaced liquid (l).

F. The further vibratory misalignment of the lifting hand caused by a combination of 2 factors:

1. The destination factor (df) of the displacement of liquid from the glass, ranging from 0 (onto the carpet or tabletop) to 10 (all over the clothes of the lifting agent).

2. The additional lift misalignment caused by the words muttered by the lifting agent, ranging from 0 for "Oops..." to 10 for "OH FOR FUCK SAKE!!!"

So what do you think? Obviously I'll have to do further studies, which I don't think will be much of a problem in my case. This is a brilliant topic for study. Worth pursuing! Cardboard coasters are hopelessly prone to adhesion. At work I have a nice brown leather coaster that I got many years ago at the Boonville Beer Fest, embossed with the logo of Russian River Brewing. I thought its C1 would render it immune to this problem, but occasionally it sticks to my pint glass (filled with water, usually; the occasional times I have a bit of beer at work I discreetly pour it into my coffee mug). Surprisingly, the coaster often gets as high as face level before releasing, bouncing off the formica desktop and clattering onto my keyboard.

You might consider a couple additional factors, such as proximity to the coaster's free-fall trajectory (and to the splash zone) of keyboards, cell phones and other high-value electronic devices; and the agitation potential of the glass-holder's psyche. Some people are so rattled by unexpected sounds and events that they could recoil and jettison the entire glass in reaction. Others are so steel-nerved that a meteor could crash through the ceiling and land on the neighboring stool and elicit no stronger a reaction than "Oh, my."