Previous Coffee Columns:

ANIMALS

• Absurd Notion of Eating Pets in Ohio
• Allergic Pythonitis
• Apes vs. Monkeys
• Attic Creatures
• Breeding Hybrids of Extinct Animals
• Caffeinated Raccoons
• Cat Bladders
• Cat Fission
• Cat Vomit Black Holes
• Cats and Cataracts
• Chicken and Whale Coincidences
• Classifying Cat Molecules
• Cloning Dinosaurs
• Dog Chess
• Dog Dieting
• Exotic Pets
• Floating Cat Feces
• Peet's Coffee, Portland (CLOSED)
• Library Fish
• Millionaire Dogs
• Mobile Phones for Cats
• Multiple Rabbits
• The Mystery of Spiders
• Phones for Pets
• Probiotic Coprology and Cat Prints
• Reusing Cat Hair
• The Slow Loris
• Smoking Cats
• Some Photos of Cats
• Urban Foxes
• Wallabies and Opium
• Wolf Digestion

CULTURE, SOCIETY, AND AMUSEMENTS

• 42-Minute Lunch, The
• Affirmations in the Workplace
• A Bad Noir Novel
• Altered Barbies
• Archiving Real Life
• Being Overqualified
• Body Parts of the Famous
• Book Floods
• British Things
• A Budget 12 Days of Christmas
• Camouflaged Mobile Phone Towers
• Cash and Cocaine
• Cheese Racing
• Chocolate Cactus Art
• Comparing University Libraries
• Composing Body Music
• Concealing Suspicious Fruit on Trains
• Crime and Punishment
• Christmas in October
• City Noise
• Darkened Treks
• Dinnertime Logic
• Dystopian Work Places
• Extreme Stress Clubs
• Fun Flight Safety Videos
• Fluffy Job Interviews
• The Future of Funding
• Garden Gnome Enigma, The
• Gorilla Suit Recognition
• Haggis Smuggling
• Hat Meetings
• Perpetual Garfields
• Pop-Up Operations
• Japanese Fads
• Jimi Hendrix: Is He Dead?
• Joe Gummi
• Legos for Adults
• Master Plans
• Meat-Scented Colognes
• Murdering the Welsh
• The Mystery of Baseballs
• Musician SatNav Voices
• Nothing Gifts
• Nude Skydiving
• Odd Museums
• Peak District Pirates
• Perpetual Garfields/a>
• Personal Ads
• Portable Relief for River Rafting Trips
• Princes and Kings
• Scratch and Sniff Time Capsules
• Sex Education Dolls
• Shipping Unusual Things
• Shooting at Clowns
• Supermodel Theme Parks
• Supertorches
• Survivor President Game Show
• Tourette's Christmas
• Toy-Themed Films
• Trump Rosin
• Twenty-First Century Adventure Game
• Whistling In The Loo
• White Yuppies and Their Clothes

DAILY LIVING

• Aggressive Household Fixtures
• Art of Dressing, The
• Baby Warranties
• Broom Evolution
• Dream Insurance
• Driving Directions
• Floor Wax
• Hair
• Haunting Jobs
• Head Colds
• Heat Waves
• Impressive Customer Service
• Jesus Baths
• Joys of Shelving, The
• Living in Caves
• Losing Things
• Losing Things Pt 2
• Losing Things in Taxis
• No-Peanut Zones
• Noisy Cars
• Opening Cereal Boxes and Other Impenetrables
• Oversized Clothes
• Oversized Things
• Personal Crime Protection
• Productivity in the Wee Hours
• Sanitising Madness during Covid-19
• Shopping Cart Driving Laws
• The Strange New World
• Toothpaste Flavours
• Worst Case Scenarios

FOOD AND DRINK

• Ancient Water
• The Art of Sabrage
• Beer Tasting Terms
• The Blob
• Cerealitios
• Cheese Personalities
• Chip Grease Fuel
• Clothing Recipes
• Coffee v. Tea
• Eating One's Own Feces
• Exotic Pizza Choices
• Exploding Truffles
• Food Deprivation
• Giant Cappuccinos
• Hot Chiles
• Jesus Burritos
• The Marmite Theory of Migratory Evolution
• McDonald's vs. Jack-in-the-Box
• The Memory of Neccos
• Miracle Tortillas
• Pumpkins and Brain Surgery
• Songs About Vegetables
• Titanic Salad
• Toaster Scrambles
• Useful Takeaway Menu Symbols
• Vegetarian Meat

THE INTERNET AND COMPUTERS

• The Joys of Algorithmic Pricing
• Barcode Appeal
• Bodiless and Decapitated E-Mail
• Concrete Java
• C++ World
• E-Mail Mangling
• E-Mailing Oneself
• Extraterrestrial E-mail
• Inconvenient Software
• Frustration
• Mac Mechanics
• SimCity 2000
• SmellWeb
• Spam from Outer Space
• Working from Home

LANGUAGE AND WORDS

• Arbic
• Athol Anagrams
• Austrian Place Names
• Being Profoundly Unsurprised
• Brandishing Umlauts
• Breakfast Years
• Business Speak No. 2
• The Comfort of Brackets
• Complete Idiot Guides for Dummies
• Confusing Headlines
• Confusing "M" Words
• Dead Slow Children
• Dyscalculia and Dyslexia in the Library
• Finding Place Names in Dreams
• Floor Numbering Logic
• Franglais
• The Importance of Rough Drafts
• Jumentous Defenestration
• Latin
• Logic Problems
• Manager-Speak
• More Bizarre Pub Names
• The Name of Lincoln
• The New Year Under Construction
• Obscure Job Interview Questions
• Offlish
• Predictive Haiku
• The Real English Language
• Royal Teeth
• Romantic Befummeling
• The Shellac Tribe
• Squash
• Steatopygia
• Talgo Train Poetry
• Terse Verse
• Titles
• Topias
• Twaddle in General
• The Uncyclopedia
• Vertigo
• A Very Useful Word
• Vindalalia
• Vowels, Consonants, and Dithonomics
• What's In A Name?
• Why There Are No Hills in Los Altos

MODERN TECHNOLOGY

• 3D Multiprinting and Birds
• 3D Printing of Drinks (and, accidentally, again here
• The Art of Predictive Text Part I
• The Art of Predictive Text Part II
• Camel Robots
• Computerised Taxis
• Creatively Thinking Clocks
• Quick Response Gravestone Codes
• Hands-Free Absurdity
• Incendiary Carjacking Devices
• Kitchen Buildings
• Lego Sorting
• Mobile Phone Design and Technology
• The Modern Age of Toilets
• Pneumatic Tube Banking
• Power Pizza Cutters
• Revengeful Car Alarms
• Camel Robots
• Rubber Roads
• Self Driving Cars Gone Amok
• Sensory Aerosols
• Smart Cement
• Toilets that E-Mail
• Turbo Washing Machines
• Various Artemises
• Walking Treadmills
• Water Coolers

PHILOSOPHY, RELIGION, DREAMS, AND THOUGHT

• Baby Zen
• Cannibal Santa Claus
• The Devil's Highway (I-666)
• Dream Interpretation
• Exploding Clown Dreams
• Extraterrestrial Life in the Eyes
• Fantasy Existences
• Finding Dr Ray
• Forgetting Everything)
• The Grandfather Paradox
• Holy Fruit
• If A Tree Falls In The Woods...
• Instant Pop-Up Babies
• Jedi Holidays
• Jesus and Cheeses
• Nonexistence
• Nun Rage
• Relative Birthdays
• Repeating Digits
• Self Referential Past Tense
• Signs of Existence
• Suburban Despair
• Two Left Feet
• Yesterday as a Part of Tomorrow
• Zen Travel

SCIENCE

• Alternate Bus Universes
• Armageddon
• Asteroid Names
• Ball of Superstring Theory
• The Bejesus Particle
• Bifurcating Minds
• Black Hole Moving Companies
• The Boomerang of Time
• Borrowed Uteri
• Coriolis Footpaths
• Exploding Water
• Exploring Cinnebar
• Extraterrestrial Abduction of Clothes
• Extreme Programming
• The Fear of Cheese
• Ferris Wheel Math
• The Fizzie Phenomenon
• Four-dimensional Pancake Houses
• Fun with Elasticity
• Fun with Microorganisms
• Gravity on Jupiter
• Growing Your Own Mini-organs
• Hot and Cold Water
• Hyperurbia
• International Time Travel
• Jet Lag and Time Lag
• The Large Hadron/Hardon Collider
• Lost Socks
• Lowest Note in the Universe
• The Mathematics of Instant Travel
• Mercury in Retrograde
• Moebius-Strip Streets
• Non-Art
• One-Eyed Readers
• Parallel Elvises
• Playing Pong in a Petri Dish
• Rapid Transit via Slime
• Sticky-Coaster Physics
• Sleep Deprivation and IQ
• Snottite
• Strange Medical Devices
• Temperature Extremes
• Tiny Holes
• Twist Ties
• Vacuum Cleaner Music
• Used Large Hadron Colliders
• The Wagon Train Effect
• Working on Bank Holidays and Circadian Rhythms